This morning I was eating my cheerios laced with matured (read: brown and mushy and sweet and if you like them green what the heck is wrong with you, they’re sweeter if you let them sit for a few days) banana slices, and I looked at the cereal box to read something. (My wife makes fun of the fact that I read cereal boxes, shampoo ingredient lists, movie plot summaries and the weird tall/small writing at the bottom of the DVD that tells you who is in the movie and who produced it, things that I myself have recently written on scraps of paper, signs on walls like “fire extinguisher” that have been there for years, and other less fascinating material.)
Anyway. Cereal.
So instead of a good story about Fred and Barny in Cocoa-Falls, Bedrock, having a chocoriffic time and me counting hidden flattened rice flakes in the picture, there was this notice about another sweepstakes, where you could win 10 million bucks or something.
And I did. Win 10 million bucks.
Or something.
Inside the cereal box there was a neat silver-wrapped Discover debit/gift card worth five big fat bucks. Usable anywhere Discover is accepted. Yes, faithful reader–either one of those places!
So today my wife and I are going out for coffee and orange juice to celebrate the fact that I am a rocking winner of a man.
So who says you’re not a winner? Go out there and make it happen. Maybe you won’t get as rich as I have, but they have prizes of lesser value as well, so it’s not like it’s all 5 bucks or nothing.
By the way, the odds of winning 10 million or something according to the faithful box are 1 in 10. That means if you buy 10 boxes of cheerios, you should win at least once.
Actually, there’s a 35% chance you still won’t win even once. BUT if you buy 20, then you’re chances of not winning anything go down to about 12%.
So, who says you’re not a winner? If you buy 20 boxes and don’t win anything, then I do. Otherwise, don’t ever let them put you in a corner, baby.
I feel (*chokes up*) so (*puts hand to chest*) encouraged right now…
Somewhere in this post is a get-rich-quick strategy and I appreciate it.
Very much funny! BTW – Have you ever considered Gingko Biloba? (just saying…)
Don’t feel bad about reading all the fine print. I read every side of every box to everything I’m eating or cooking, read the bottles to everything in the shower….ingredients and all.I think I spelled ingredients wrong. I think it’s ingrediants? What do you think?
Anyway, even when we drive-thru somewhere I read the sides of the bags too. 
Sickness maybe??
Anyway, don’t let Miss Mandy get you down! Read on!
And tomorrow I’m soooo buying a box of cheerios! Or twenty.
Dude. You rock. This is awesome. Though I am slightly grossed out that you eat rotten banana’s, which is what any banana is that’s not entirely yellow in my book. Anything other than “yellow” is “banana poop”, and who wants to eat that, seriously? Gross.
Banana poo eater!
Shannon “Avoider of Banana poo” Lewis
Hi Drew. I love your wife and her blog, but I have to say – she shouldn’t make fun of you for reading all that stuff. Because it’s surely normal. After all, I do the same thing.
Funny read, Drew. I don’t eat cereal, but I do have roomy who has the same (if not worse) affliction with reading. He says that at least it “keeps his brain functioning.” The rest of us sit back and watch as he’ll stop to read the label on everything he picks up while grocery shopping. Our inside joke to pull on newbies is to send them to the store with him. several hours later, they always return vowing to never do that again.
Keep up the good work!
Kevin