“That was awesome…like falling into the sun.” This was not from this week. It was from 1999 or so when my friend Ralph walked out of our Math final exam. I include it here because it expresses so much of the spirit of the moment.
“Please don’t kiss me anymore.”
“No, no, Drew. The final is today, not tomorrow.” “It is? Wow, this is the worst news ever. I’m in a huge hole of crap.” “Boy, am I relieved! If it was tomorrow, that would be inconvenient for me because I have a conflict at that time. See, look at my schedule here–” “Can’t talk now, Joram.”
“The meal plan is way too expensive. And you know, girls eat less than guys, so it’s like we’re paying for their meals.” “Yeah, they should charge people for meals by weight. Like weigh people before and after each meal, in front of everyone.”
“Well, just come by my office. It’s 125A.” “Yeah, we know. We’ve seen you in there before.” “All by myself.”
“My baby can speak Latin.”
(mental stream of consciousness) “Man, where is the professor? It’s like 20 minutes after the final was supposed to start, and he’s never late. And why is no one else bothered? Shouldn’t somebody go get him? What are they doing, anyway? Oh. Looks like everyone is taking the final right now. That explains the strange hush in the classroom, as well as the pile of blank final exams up at the front of the room. It all makes sense.”
“I have to get a signed note from my wife before they will let me pick up her cap and gown. I hate this place.”
“Hi, I need to get a book. I turned it in last night and you haven’t reshelved it yet. Can you find it back there?”…[several minutes later]…”Do you really, really need it?”
“So, how are classes?” “Drew, I graduated a year ago.” “Oh.”
